A note about Grief

You are not gone, I’m waiting to see you, yet I have to wait so long.

For split moments I believe you are there, right in front of me. For long moments I believe I will see you again, I’m just waiting. Too final to accept forever,

I must wait.

I look for something, search for signs. Can I feel your presence? What if I can’t? Does that mean you are gone? The seagull gliding slowly near me whenever I am at the beach to visit your sprinkled ashes, it must be your energy, it glides ever so slowly, circles around, flutters on the waves and stops right near me. Reassuring me.

But, then again, that’s what seagulls do.

My dog expressing all your mannerisms, and personality, it must be you, you must be near, keeping us safe.

or she could just remind me of you, the dog lover.

The Tom Petty song that comes on right when I’m thinking about you, it must be you, surely not a mere coincidence.

The star that shines so bright in the moonlight, it must be you. For if it wasn’t, what would it be?

Just a star? That cannot be.

I want to believe.

You appear in my dreams, sometimes laughing and happy, sometimes locked in pain. I get to see you, but sometimes I talk and talk, and you don’t reply. I would like something to show me that you are not forever gone. I want to keep your memory alive and honour you by enjoying every moment of this life.

But I want your opinion on things, I want to know that you are somewhere watching over, keeping us safe.

Because if not, it’s a scary world, without protection.

Can I look to nature for your guidance?

When it’s my time to leave, I will be scared, I will need you to be there, and what if you are not?

Well, where would you be? All this time.

You would have to be near me, because I have waited and waited so long.

Just to see your face again.

Summer Brooks